2012 Academy Awards Red Carpet: 'Not Quite' Dressed

I've said it before and I will say it again, there were so many 'no quite' dressed people on the red carpet of this year's Oscars, or the 84th Annual Academy Awards as they like us to say. You know what I mean. People who look fine. And I really want to love their outfit. But I just can't. Like Natalie Portman. I mean it is vintage Dior so I should really love it. It is a soft black polka dot on a red background so it is a little daring. And yet...she looks old fashioned and dull. Maybe it is the hair. Maybe it is those short arms. I don't know. But no. I don't like this look. And then there was Angelina Jolie in custom Atelier Versace. She looks beautiful and happy. And there is some volume in the dress which I like. And it is black velvet. But what the what is she doing with her skinny stick of a leg?? In every single possible photograph. Weird, awkward and wrong. Like leg-gurning it was. Off-putting in the end. And one of my absolutely favourites Rose Byrne in a Vivienne Westwood shimmer of slickness. Looking a bit dumpy. And strange. When a risk doesn't pay off. But I still love you Rose.

Gold is definitely a new trend on the red carpet and what better time to bring it out than at the Oscars? Well, maybe not. The utterly magnificent and without peer, award winning Meryl Streep, was in gold Lanvin. On paper an absolute cracker of a combo. But she still landed up looking like a bit of a foil blanket. Which is not fair at all. Also trying out the gold was The Clooney's lady friend, Stacy Keibler, dressed in Marchesa. Which set the Twitter-a-tron on fire as apparently it was a knock off of a DKNY dress from a couple of season's ago. Well, I won't comment on that. I just don't really like it. She looks lovely. But just not to my taste you understand. Shailene Woodley is much more of a disappointment. Poor lass. She is only young. And she is dressed in Valentino couture. So she really should look beyond lovely. And yet. No. Fusty is the word I would use. Too covered up and drab, possibly more helpful. Do you agree?

But more controversial are these three ladies. You know I love me some Viola Davis. And I especially love her with her natural hair. She is dressed in Vera Wang. In a dazzling emerald green. But it is so tight and those boobies are so crushed and constrained it hurts me to look at her. It just isn't pretty even though she is. And I want to love Melissa McCarthy's dress of course. And the neckline is pretty. And I don't hate the colour really. Just the sack-like-ness of it all. No, man. You can do better than this. More structure necessary in your dress, ok? And then Penelope Cruz. Sigh. No it's not horrible. Actually she looks beautiful. Really beautiful in her Giorgio Armani whisper of thunder cloud. But it's the bust again that bothers me. This neckline is old fashioned and unflattering to a lady blessed with a rack like this. And so from the neck up she looks outstanding, below it she just looks a bit off. Or have I got this totally wrong? Let me know what you think. Do you totally disagree or do you get what I mean. Holler at me.